Behind the ribs

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bestimmt — Sun, 10 Mar 2013 07:51:37 -0400

2012; a new beginning?

bestimmt — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 20:54:08 -0500

Its been a long time since youve last heard of me and life got the best of me. Really,being so busy since the start of school helped me realize that I am not defined by whats happened to me.

I used simple past because I feel like all that is behind me. So for 2012, I dont want a restart; I just want to keep on AND get better scores at school!

I feel like reaching out to people there....

bestimmt — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 22:21:21 -0500

It’s weird how sometimes I feel lonely and then I arrive here. The website I consider everyone is its own island, never touching another one’s, at least, not where it counts. I want to be able to exchange with people here, but also in real life. I told people about my problem, but they never seem to reach out toward me. They act as if what I did never exist. As if it was only in my head.

But it wasn’t,right?

Still alive.

bestimmt — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 00:12:38 -0500

Still alive.

With Ed, I rediscovered the art of lying. There is no limit since your own scrupules are crushed...

bestimmt — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:26:08 -0400

With Ed, I rediscovered the art of lying.

There is no limit since your own scrupules are crushed down by the vital need to slowly waste away.

I didnt realize I was constantly lying to my friends, family and above all to myself before it was too late. Even when I have the choice between the truth and the lie, I automatically lie through my teeth. Even if it’s a white lie, with no purpose, I do it. I dont have reasons for, I just do.

For little things and big ones too. I repeatedly starved myself this past year: truth. I’ve been sick a lot of times Mom.(lie)

I stayed all day at the emergency because I ate some eggs to purge the few things I’d eaten: truth. I stayed late at the library at school to study, mom. Lie.

Ugh. Im not saying I gave up on recovery. No! Its just that I realize how much this changed me. I wasnt always honest with myself but I wasnt a mythomaniac/ liar.

So I started university. So far,I like the concept and feel much better about being in Law!

bestimmt — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 23:09:06 -0400

I really think the charge(over charge!) will help me not to think of restricting since I already do not have much time to eat… Today I went to a vietnamese restaurant and ate so Much! But Im still proud of mysf and next week I start training at the college’s gym.

Reblog if you're an eating disorder recovery blog

bestimmt — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 18:14:06 -0400

I hate mexican restaurant. Oh and I puked.

bestimmt — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 06:37:15 -0400

I dont wanna say that I meant to puke/purge but god it felt so good! Maybe because I was sick from my egg allergy(when I asked repeatedly to the waiter if my order contained any eggs) or because otherwise I would have consummed at least 2000 calories for my day.

Thing is that after eating, I went to the bathroom and considered purging everyhing but a) the toilet seemed too old to accept all this food and b) Im supposed to be in recovery from my ed, not etsrt developping another one!

Still I really have a problem with eating that much because since I am a lazy slob who is underweight, the calorie intake needed to maintain my weight is of 1300 cals. I already have some difficulties eating around that number because I feellike I will explode and get morbidely obese if I reach that limit.
Anyway, more than throwing up, I feel like dying. Well more like I feel like I am dying. I seriously hope to wake up tomorrow because I dont feel well( I took my meds but they are long acting)

So I hope your night went better than mine!

Today was a “good” day for my eating habits. I had a...

bestimmt — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 18:06:05 -0400

Today was a “good” day for my eating habits. I had a big- Ginourmious!- breakfast(grilled cheese first at home then my mother decided to treat me at the restaurant where I had a bowl(giant too) of oatmeal and two brown toasts.

then for lunch I had chicken with rice. A small snack of corn brans too.

Now I’m heading off at the restaurant with my friend and I’m gonna eat mexican food!

The only thing is that it seems as if everyday I don’t work out, I eat large quantities of food! THis is bad for my guilt, but I guess good for the recovery progress?

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bestimmt — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 06:52:06 -0400

wh0rerific: littlerevenge: Harry Potter in 99 Seconds. too...

bestimmt — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 06:39:05 -0400

wh0rerific:

littlerevenge:

Harry Potter in 99 Seconds.

too legit to quit!

A bit random for this tumblr but I wanted to share the laugh/ amazing feeling this video gives me.

Doing some intense filtering of the dashboard

bestimmt — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 06:36:19 -0400

thecomfortofnothing:

It’s time to let go of the past and move forward.

Positive blogs, recovery blogs and healthy blogs are best for me right now and for the most part they’re what I’m drawn to. The person I want to be is positive, healthy and recovered. Steering clear of the destructive side of tumblr will help me get there.

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bestimmt — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 12:52:05 -0400

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bestimmt — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 12:45:09 -0400

I had to postpone some of my running because life got in the way...

bestimmt — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 07:43:05 -0400

I had to postpone some of my running because life got in the way but now that I’m finished with my french course, I can go out there and run for all my might!

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bestimmt — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 06:52:06 -0400

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bestimmt — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 06:52:05 -0400

It is now widely accepted in my family that I am getting/am fat.

bestimmt — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 23:28:24 -0400

Yeah ED, you just gained a few of supporters in our fight til the death of one another.
Le soupir(sigh).
Seriously though, how am I supposed to find the strenght to recover completly when I feel that the only things i get from this is pure FAT!
Do you have a good list of reasons to motove myself to keep in check wih my recovery?

imperfectionismyforte:
bestimmt — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 06:53:05 -0400

imperfectionismyforte:

blue skies: (i'm being obnoxious and deleting, editing and reposting this because i really don't like the comment someone just made...

bestimmt — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 23:09:05 -0400

blue skies: (i'm being obnoxious and deleting, editing and reposting this because i really don't like the comment someone just made...:

spacebetweenclouds:

I’m supposed to have a snack right now but I don’t know what to do. There is this internal dialogue going on that I can’t make sense of at all.

I need to eat.

No. You don’t.

I need to eat so I can stay healthy for cross country.

You’ll run faster if you weigh less.

I need to eat so I can…

I know how it feels and seriously… I’ve been eating properly for a while now but it’s still a fight against myself. I have to plan everything I eat,figure out the cals or if it’s too fat and then I can allow myself to eat with a semblance of control. Otherwise it is just a big binge.

Behind the ribs

Photo

2012; a new beginning?

I feel like reaching out to people there....

Still alive.

With Ed, I rediscovered the art of lying. There is no limit since your own scrupules are crushed...

So I started university. So far,I like the concept and feel much better about being in Law!

Reblog if you're an eating disorder recovery blog

I hate mexican restaurant. Oh and I puked.

Today was a “good” day for my eating habits. I had a...

Photo

wh0rerific: littlerevenge: Harry Potter in 99 Seconds. too...

Doing some intense filtering of the dashboard

Photo

Photo

I had to postpone some of my running because life got in the way...

Photo

Photo

It is now widely accepted in my family that I am getting/am fat.

imperfectionismyforte: bestimmt — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 06:53:05 -0400 imperfectionismyforte:

blue skies: (i'm being obnoxious and deleting, editing and reposting this because i really don't like the comment someone just made...

imperfectionismyforte:
bestimmt — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 06:53:05 -0400

imperfectionismyforte: